ih ih ih

Here I am. Sitting in front of this PC, wondering. Thinking. What am I going to do today? Sheesh. The motivation seems to fade away. I don’t feel too excited anymore, working here. This is sad. Pathetic.

I came here with a great vision, and high hopes. I wanted to learn, add my knowledge and gain experience. Well, I did get those, but with little passion. Everyone here is thinking about himself or herself. They worked hard to promote themselves, and don’t care about others. I guess I don’t blame them. This is the reality. You have to compete. Otherwise, you’ll get to nowhere.

So, Khairil has gone to Perth. So did Sue. Adam is next. Siti is still in Melbourne. I heard Saifudin is next in line to go to Perth. Edward is even better, migrated to Melbourne and work there. So, where do I stand now? Nowhere dude. Except Khairil, all of them joined this company after me. They all got their chances already. Me? Only God can tell.

Now, am I being jealous here? Yes, you can say that. The way I see it, I’m a victim of this company hasten vision and planning. I have to work with two supervisors, and that makes it harder for them to make proper plan for me. Today, I do dam job, tomorrow, I do drainage job. Then they become confused, whether to send me for training on dams, or drainage design. In the end, I go nowhere. Perfect. Just perfect.

If you want to recruit and train a dam engineer, then make sure you set a proper plan for it. Don’t just pluck this fella from anywhere and ask him to learn this and that. At the same time, let this fella do other work, which is not quite related. Then you expect this fella to learn quickly. Steep learning curve. Yea right. Steep my pompous ass la.

I know, it’s never easy to be success. But without fair, and equal chance, how am I going to compete and upgrade myself? Maybe I’m just too frustrated here, I don’t know. I was promised a lot of things early this year and none of it being materialised. Ni macam janji2 pilihanraya la ni. Akhirnya gigit jari. Jalan tak berturap. Air takde. Elektrik pon tak masuk.

I wonder when will the letter from the “heaven” delivered to me. Save me from this misery (and lead me to other type of misery). As I have little strength to wait any longer. The grass is always greener on the other side. Is there any truth in it? We have to find out. I have to find out. This episode has becoming so sad. Pathetic.

i'm so damn proud of my brother

As news of Tiger Woods' knee injury hits the headlines, a researcher at the University of Southampton has developed a new self-powered sensor to monitor progress during knee operations.

As part of his final year project in his Masters degree in Electromechanical Engineering, which he studied at the University's School of Electronics and Computer Science (ECS), Fauzan Baharudin explored the potential for the use of thick film technology in the development of medical sensors which could be embedded in the knee during surgery.

This new sensor, called Serial In-vivo Transducer (SIT), which uses thick film technology, could measure tendon force during Anterior Cruciate Ligament (ACL) reconstruction.

The ACL is the most commonly injured ligament and is commonly damaged by athletes, in fact it is reported that this is the ligament associated with Tiger Woods' injury.

Fauzan's project was supervised by Professor Neil White at ECS, who, in 1991 developed thick film piezoelectric material which made it possible to produce a sensor which could power itself if it were installed in a device that vibrates and would be ideal for appliances where physical connections to the outside world were difficult.

Professor White said: 'Although this work is still in its infancy, our earlier research in thick-film sensors has shown that it is feasible to apply the technology to medical applications such as prosthetic hands. We have also shown that it is possible to harvest energy from the human body using piezoelectric materials and the knee is subjected to very high levels of force during everyday activities. It therefore seems logical to combine the two approaches to deliver a new type of embedded, self-powered sensors

In Fauzan's project entitled Assessing the use of thick-film technology in knee surgery: along with energy harvesting in-vivo, he has also incorporated some of this energy harvesting capability into SIT which means that it will be self-powered.

'I chose knee surgery because this has been very little research carried out in this field and I felt a self-powered device could work well in the knee,' he said.

Before developing SIT, Fauzan reviewed the existing devices in this field and concluded that due to its flexibility in fabrication, low capital cost, fast lead time and its suitability for use in the body, thick film technology is the best solution for ACL surgery. Assessment of the energy harvesting feature revealed that the device could produce more than enough energy to power itself.

'It remains a mystery to me, given how common knee injuries are among athletes, that devices like ours have not been developed before now,' said Fauzan. 'A sensible assumption for this is that thick film technology does not reach medical researchers as quickly as it does within the microelectronics community hence the delay in realising the huge potential in developing in vivo transducers.'

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/113764.php
http://www.ecs.soton.ac.uk/about/news/1914
http://www.sciencecentric.com/news/article.php?q=08070148

i have a dream...

I have a dream,

an Aston Martin,

to help me cope,

with anything,

If you see the wonder,

of its power,

you don't have to ponder,

if it can go any faster,

I believe in speed,

something good in every car I beat,

I don't believe in brakes,

when i know the time is right to overtake,

Oh my Aston Martin,

I have a dream....

2.92

I have encountered a valuable experience recently. The experience was really a stunner in a sense that it hit me hard in the face (and breaking my heart). So far, I have never thought that I’d be facing such thing, but finally I did. And I have no answer to it. But it did make me feel so annoyed and upset me a lot.

The issue was, what’s the fucking deal with 2.92? I’ve met two distinguished academician. The first thing they asked was, “why did you get 2.92?” and then followed by:

“batch you ramai tak dapat 3 ke atas?”

“dalam banyak2 semester ni, ade tak you score 3 ke atas?”

“ape kelebihan you ni, sebab ramai yang lain dapat 3.5, 3.8?”

“dengan 2.92 ni awak dapat jugak buat master ye?”

“kerje setahun setengah je, I don’t think you ade design pape pon kan?”

Pukimak. Those were very insulting questions. Hey pundek, with that 2.92, I’ve finished my master in one and a half year only. By research you fuckin idiot. Not mixed mode or by course. I’ve presented two papers in two national conferences. I have experience in teaching tutor classes for one year even though I reluctantly doing it. But I did! I’ve been active with various campus activities and sports, played in the highest level of National Varsity tournament for two years. Fuck you!

With this 2.92, I managed to get a job in GHD, one of the leading consultant firms in Australia. I have managed to complete 2 projects in just one year. Yes, you may be right, I haven’t designed anything big yet, as my role here is just a junior hydrologist. But still, those experiences aren’t something you can get on the sidewalks or on the street. Do those who get 3 pointers and above have the experience travel 6 hours on a boat, staying in the jungle doing river gauging? Do they know how long does it take to complete a gauging? Can they tell their students that Rational Method would tend to give higher values in its results? I bet they couldn’t.

I respect those who scored 3 pointers and above. They are great. They worked hard to earn it. They deserved it. But it doesn’t mean that those who couldn’t score 3 pointers are stupid and lazy. Everything happens for a reason. In my case, I’ve tried my best to balance my campus activities with academic. Hence, 2.92 should be a credible result for an active student. Why can’t you accept that? Fuck la you guys.

So, beginning today, I officially declare that I’ll never EVER respect those people and their institution again. Pergi mampos. Harap nama je bijak pandai2, tapi x reti hormat orang lain. Hina orang lain. Pukimak la. Simpan je ijazah korang tu dalam lubang jubo korang. Pergi la terus hidup dengan obsesi terhadap 3 pointer ke atas tu.

bebel

Racist

baru baru ni kite sume ade dgr pasal sorang ahli umno (ketua pulak tuh) kat penang meraban x tentu hala. kononnya ceramah beliau ade menyentuh isu sensitif dan berbau perkauman. and he insisted that he did nothing wrong as the thing he mentioned during his speech was merely based on facts. fair enough. you may have stated the fact, but being a so called "LEADER", such statement may not be appropriate. okay, fine, eventhough you still think you're right, but what's the harm apologizing for any hard feeling felt by the chinese prior to your speech? yang emo sgt tu kenape? tak reti2 yg BN tu dah nk rebah menyembah bumi, lagi nk berdegil camtu skali? mmg la semangat nk mempertahankan melayu tu perlu ada, perlu kuat dalam diri kite ni. tak mintak maaf pon xpa, tp be wise lah sket. mintak maaf kalau ada yg tersinggung perasaan. ckap je la ayat tu. sudah la. you defend your act, and at the same time you apologize IF your act hurts other people. simple isn't it? yg ketegaq tu pasai paa? bodoh. low class. patut pon DAP tu pegang penang la ni sebab ada orang2 cam hangpa laa. akai xdak. klu sayangkan umno,sayangkan bangsa melayu kita ni, bukan camtu caranya. kita kena bijak sket. la ni, hang pikiaq laa sindri...

16 september

hmm la ni sume org dok hingaq pasai 16 sept.betui kaa kita akan dapat kerajaan baru?macam2 andaian, spekulasi,tohmahan,tilikan dibuat. klu merujuk pada blog2 pro pakatan rakyat ni, sume konpiden je nk tukar krajaan.hm.we'll see.korg ingat senang nk tukar kerajaan?ingat kerajaan ni macam main masak2?nk tukar suke2 hati bile rase nk tukar.ape jadah nye pilihanraya tuh?mana amalan demokrasi yg dilaungkan oleh sume pihak, tak kira pembangkang atau pon kerajaan? kita amalkan demokrasi berparlimen - kerajaan yang dipilih rakyat melalui undi di pilihanraya, bukan demokrasi berlompat2 - kerajaan yang dibina oleh ahli wakil rakyat melompat parti. nak ramai pulak tu, smpai 30++ org. i'm not saying that i like the current govt. they suck!makan duit rakyat tak abis2..slow mo,and pain in d arses.flip flop some say. the worst decison made by the govt is by increasing the fuel price. and it's even worst when they dared asking us to change our lifestyle! kepala hotak die berjambul. minyak naik, sume bende naik la bangang. oke la pastu kau turunkan harge minyak, tpi ingat barang2 tu bleh turun balik ka? sorii. bg rebet, yg ade kenderaan je dibaginye, tp yg xdak kereta tuh? depa pon nk kene beli brg2 makan gak. nak ubah cara idup camne laginye? nk mkn ubi rebus cicah garam cam zaman jepon? xyah pakai letrik, gune jamung je gi jalan malam2. cmtu ke? eay korg tu hidup beranak pinak dengan elaun2, mane tau erti susah? elaun beribu2. nk potong sket pon aritu berkira. ceh. they really need to be replaced indeed, but i'm not so sure by MPs switching parties will bring any good.maybe anwar can't wait any longer for the next general election. the rakyat has suffered a lot. i do hope he really does it for the rakyat. not for his personal ambitions to be the next PM. my personal view is, he should be concentrating on developing the 5 states that they won in the last GE. show to people that they're capable on bringing changes and create prosperity in those states. but again, i guess the rakyat has suffered a lot...and he couldn't wait any longer.

ape pon aku taknak jd taksub.taknak taksub pada PR, taknak taksub pada BN. bukannye takde pendirian, tapi memilih untuk mencari yang terbaik. asalkan ia baik untuk rakyat terbanyak, aku setuju dan sokong je, biarpon dari parti cap kunci skali pon.kadang2 ade bende dengar boleh, percaya jangan.lu pikirlah sindrii.

puasa

biaselah, puasa tiap2 taun bende yg paling teringat puasa kat usm. zaman pegi bazar ngn moto ramai2. slalu pegi dgn lan, sebab die sekepala ngn aku, x nak buke ngn makanan kat kafe tuh. selere mesti tingggi. biar ribut topan datang sekalipon, buke puase semestinye dengan lauk pauk dan kuih muih yang lazat dan menyelerakan kat bazar ramadan p.buntar.so memang, seiingat aku, buke kat kafe tu zaman2 smpai 2nd year je kot. 3rd n 4th year dah rajin kuar gi bazar. mase master lagi la, rajin gi ngn kak ayu n kdg2 dgon.kdg2 kak ayu wat masak2 kat umah die, lg bes, berdoyon2 la dak master menempel muke nk mkn skali kat umah die. those good old days. i'll always miss those memories. betul la org selalu ckp, zaman belajar2 tu la zaman paling bes. dah keje ni, haramm gi bazar ramadan. xde feel dah la.

Paku di Hati

Ada seorang pemuda yang sangat pemarah. Dia tidak dapat mengawal kemarahannya walaupun ianya hanya satu masalah kecil sahaja. Pada suatu hari, bapanya telah menghadiahkannya dengan seguni paku.

"Untuk apakah paku-paku ini ayah?" tanya pemuda tersebut.

"Setiap kali kamu marah, kamu pakulah tembok batu di hadapan rumah kita ini, bagi melepaskan kemarahan mu" jawab ayahnya.

Pada hari yang pertama sahaja, pemuda itu telah memaku sebanyak 37 batang paku pada tembok batu tersebut. Selepas beberapa minggu, setelah dia dapat mengurangkan kemarahannya, jumlah paku yang digunakan juga berkurangan.

Dia mendapati, adalah lebih mudah mengawal kemarahannya dari memukul paku menembusi tembok batu tersebut. Akhirnya tibalah pada suatu hari, dimana pemuda tersebut tidak marah, walau sekali pun.

Dia pun memberitahu ayahnya mengenai perkara tersebut dengan gembira. Bapanya mengucapkan tahniah dan menyuruh dia mencabut kembali paku itu satu persatu, pada setiap hari yang ia lalui tanpa kemarahan. Hari berganti hari, dan akhirnya dia berjaya mencabut kesemua paku-paku tersebut. Pemuda tersebut lantas memberitahu perkara tersebut kepada bapanya dengan bangganya.

Bapanya lantas memimpin tangannya ke tembok tersebut dan berkata "Kau telah melakukannya dengan baik, anakku, tetapi lihatlah kesan lubang-lubang di tembok batu tersebut, tembok itu tidak akan kelihatan sama lagi seperti sebelumnya. Bila kau menyatakan sesuatu atau melakukan sesuatu ketika marah, ianya akan meninggalkan kesan parut dan luka, sama seperti ini.

Kau boleh menikam seseorang dengan pisau dan membunuhnya. Tetapi ingatlah, tak kesah berapa kali kau memohon maaf dan menyesal atas perbuatan mu, namun lukanya masih tetap ada. Luka di hati adalah lebih pedih dari luka fizikal.

Orang akan melupakan apa yang kamu katakan.....
Orang akan melupakan apa yang kamu lakukan.....
Tetapi, orang TIDAK akan pernah lupa bagaimana kamu membuat mereka begitu bererti.

Assalamualaikum.

Not in the mood

I don’t feel so happy today. There are so many things have happened and I began to wonder. Mostly it’s about my own future. The classic issues, on what I want to be, what I should do to get better life and how to get rich. This morning I found out that there are so many things that I still don’t know, especially in engineering discipline. Yeah, it’s true that I can be considered a fresh graduate, as I don’t have much working experience. But is that really an acceptable excuse?

Sometimes I wonder am I a fast learner or not. I think I am, but somehow I get the feeling that some people over here would have different opinion. At least my previous mentor thought that I could do work well and produce admirable results. But that was in different environment and circumstances. Over here, the competition and pressure is unbelievable! I got to always to be few steps ahead and get ready for any incoming workload. If I don’t, then people will start talking. Speaking of which, these “talking- behind-your-back” activities are definitely popular in any offices. It can get you demoralize and crush your enthusiasm to do work. I just wonder how much longer till it gets to me. I hope it won’t.

I think I better think carefully, and decide on my future wisely. I can’t say that I’m getting fed up already working as an engineer, but I just feel that there’s something more interesting for me out there. Oh God, how I wish I know what it is right now..


I wonder since when I couldn’t speak English well. This morning I’ve been trying to contact DID Sarawak, and to my surprise, I found it so difficult for me to communicate with the officer! DID Sarawak have a lot of Chinese staff and obviously their Malay language is a bit different than ours in Peninsular. That’s why English is the best language to be used when dealing with them.

I remembered my experience with those Australians during our trip to Sarawak few months ago. I rarely talked to them and speak whenever it’s necessary only. I know that’s bad and very unhealthy. That’s why I need to practice more and be brave enough to talk to them. Will I get the chance to travel with them again? Only time will tell (and the financial condition of Baleh project of course!).

Hey, I’m quite impressed here. This time I managed to write something proper as an entry. Usually it’s only simple story, and pointless issue, but today I really came out with a pretty good piece of work. Maybe it’s because of the Tun Dr Mahathir’s blog. I read it yesterday and I must say that I kinda miss that old fella as our PM. Well, don’t get me wrong, as he may not be total 100% clean and right all the time, but his thoughts and ideas are definitely invaluable. During his time as PM, the government looked strong and any conflicts and issues were well addressed. Compared to the current government, they have lost five states on the last General Election... What else can I say? Of course this is my personal view, and as Malaysian, everyone is entitled to have one, right?

I think that’s all for today. I’m not in the mood to do my work. That’s why I wrote this entry. Hopefully I will continue to write and express my views through this blog. Till then, jazakumullahu khairan kathira.